BRINGING UP KIDS
It was a pleasure to see Shobha De back to THE WEEK, with her spicy column, The-Sexes and what better way can there be to welcome her, than to respond to the same 9the Sexes-The Week, Feb 13, 2011) The article is almost a book review of Amy Chua’s latest novel, The battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, where the authoress has emphasized the need to be extremely harsh and strict with the kids, to ensure that they do well in life. I totally agree with Shobha’s vehement objections to Amy’s recommendations of treating the child almost as a captive, with strict schedule, rigourous work, time for no fun and even physical punishment. At the same time I also feel that the path laid down by Shaba, for raising kids, with total freedom is over exaggerated two. We have to bring up kids with utmost love and care, but with some discipline.
Bringing kids up, is a serious job, needing active and careful indulgence and a very judicious blend of love and strictness. We often get carried away, by our love for the child, and we never realize when love gives way to pampering, till it’s too late. We often live our childhood through our children, trying to fulfill our suppressed desires or unfulfilled dreams.
One has to be friendly with the child and the generation gap has to be bridged, but this cannot be done at the cost of losing the sanctity of a parent-child relation. Parents should ensure that they never reach a stage where they are used or misused by the child, as comfort and commodity providing agencies at the gunpoint of emotional blackmail. Kids today are a different lot. They are brought up in the best possible manner, with all comforts, often beyond the status of the parents. The overindulgence from the parents, easy accessibility to all amenities and even luxeries, gives the child a false sense of security.
The child looses the drive to excel or to do something in life. This is where the parents have to come in.
They have to bring out the best in the child, even if it is at the cost of a little being strict at times.
Kids have a great potential, and this should be exploited by the parents rather than leave the child for natural upbringing. It’s the attitude and aptitude that have to be recognized and then channelized in a manner to assist the child to excell.They cannot be left to themselves,specially in today’s competitive world, as they are often not mature enough to take the correct decision for themselves. Pushing a child is not good, but at the same time accepting laxity, or inadequate effort from the child, as his or her potential, is undesirable.
Being available at all times for the child and being approachable is welcome, but the authority of the parents should never be allowed to be undermined. The child should be made to realize the value of the love and care being imparted ,and should be taught to respect that, rather than taking parents for granted, and using them as disposables, and exploiting their love for the child to get even undesired demands fullfilled.The child cannot dictate terms or behave as the BOSS in the house.The need of the hour is not only to realize the potential of a child,but to create an initiative in him or her to do well in life.
Between the Extremely harsh bringing up as suggested by Amy and the totally independent life,painted by Shobha,I feel that one should take the middle path and the child should be brought up with supervised independence, friendly guidance and a loving and caring discipline
Dr Sanjay Kapoor ,Lucknow