13 is 18 – To be treated as 21
The kids at 13 today,are better informed,freer,more open to friendships,less intolerant and more environmentally and politically aware than yesterdays18-year-olds.You can say 13 is the new 18!
But this premature entry into maturity,cannot be really rejoiced since it has not come free and is with a several drawbacks! The main reasons for a 13 year old child,behaving that of 18,has been the exposure to the TV,internet,the world in general and above all the changing attitude of elders specially the parents,who interact with the child more like an individual,than a kid who needs to be mastered and dealt with a distant strictness.
The children are entering adulthood,before time ,at the cost of their childhood and even teens at times.The child has lost out on the childhood pranks,outdoor games,story books,penpals,picnics,crafts,interactive creative activities and above all the innocence of a child-the times that will never come back again!
The improved general awareness however can be welcomed only temporarily,as in the long run it is the child who will be the loser.The loss is in the changed attitude towards,family,religion and the roots,changing inter and intra personal relationships and the vulnerability to a large spectrum of vices.And the etiology of this is the changed lifestyles and the attitude of parents.The nuclear family norm,spending long hours unattended,easy accessibility to net,almost pornographic music videos,TV serials and movies, inability of parents to spend enough time with the kids,easy availability of money and luxuries to kids,and premature grant of liberty to take decisions is worsening the situation.
The sanctity of a parent-child relationship has been undermined by the casualness of friendship,in a hurry to bridge the generation gap,without actual friendly and loving interaction.The generation gap has to be bridged,but not at the cost of respect of the parent.Parents are often just a comfort providing agency,functional at the gun point of emotional blackmail.My Dad is my ATM,is a cute but a realistic T-shirt slogan.Eating food with the family or even going out for a family outing is a big NO! NO!! Wearing traditional clothes,celebrating festivals,visits to temples,meeting relatives and talking of mythology or Indian culture are considered retro.
On the inter personal front,the child has forgotten bonding and co-operation.The jealousy,competition and comparison with peers has started at a very early age,with the child going out of his or her way to out do the other in every thing,and takes pride not only in flashing his gadgets,branded clothes and accessories,holiday trips,but even the appointments and achievements of parents.
The child of today has been hit worst,on the intrapersonal front.These kids are a different lot.They are brought up in the best possible manner,with all comforts,often beyond the status of the parents.The overindulgence from the parents,easy accessibility to all amenities and even luxuries,gives the child a false sense of security.Though they have great plans and ambitions,the child looses the drive to excel or to do something great in life.Many children are too rigid,non yielding and even arrogant.Above all the child is lonely,and learns to mask his or her real feelings and personality ,at a very early age,to suit what is the in-thing! The genuineness of a child is masked ,and there are several avenues for them to give went to their inner negative feelings and cravings,though the chat rooms and false identities on the sites like face-book.The help from net and the stress of studies,curbs creativity and the requirement of a fixed curriculum education,prohibits the child to excel or even indulge in arts and hobbies of choice.
Lastly,this child of 13,with an awareness of 18,is at risk of vices which are generally seen after the age of 21.Even at the tender age of 13,the child is vulnerable to stealing,smoking,drinking and even to drugs and experimental sex.If this was not enough,lack of fear and early shedding of childhood instincts,at times,even drive the teenager to unimaginable crimes like rape and murder or sexual exploitation and blackmail.
So,while we rejoice seeing our child of 13,excelling at the computer,as a 18 year old,we must watch our child,as if he or she was 21! What we as parents have to do,is to provide the child a supervised freedom and a constant interaction and probing,to get a feel of what is going on inside that tender mind and heart and to know the ambitions and dreams,to extend the help to achieve them and at the same time to recognize the fears and fallacies so that the timely appropriate measures can be taken to overcome them.The personality development is more important than the grades secured in examinations,and a major responsibility of this,lies on the parents!
This was however the story of the privileged child of the middle and upper class.We have another set of children too,who are 18,at 13,not due to their awareness of rock music or the competence in creating a webpage,but because they have been forced into child labor,due to circumstances,and may be earning bread for self and even family as,many don’t do, even at 25,
Dr Sanjay Kapoor Lucknow