India Today,in its last issue for Aug 2009,ran an article titled,UNHAPPILY HARRIED, which was a real eye opener,even for me,who always felt,that men,were tortured at home,more frequently than thought of.It focused on SAVE INDIAN FAMILY FOUNDATION (SIFI),which comprises of 25 NGOs and 40,000 members,all husbands,victims of domestic violence
Without sounding like a MCP or a Woman Hater,I extend all my sympathies to all these men,and to innumerable more,who don’t muster the courage to come in public.I do not deny,that domestic violence,against women,is very rampant in India,and probably the whole world,but men being tortured is prevalent too,though may be in a lesser proportion.Though latter may exist in ant caste or religion ,or social strata,husband bashing is a little more common in certain states like,Bengal,Maharashtra and the eastern India .While it may often be in self protection,or in retaliation to a jobless drunken husband,who is only interested in the wives salary and sex,It is often,for other frivolous grounds.
But physical torture is not what I am concerned with ,men often have to undergo a lot of mental trauma,things which the woman often never understands.Not being Understood by the wife, is probably the main issue,or rather all issues summed up in one phrase,which can cause great mental trauma.It is men,who are jokingly and actually always at the receiving end,for being the careless,disinterested,non romantic,sex maniacs.The constant cribbing,the perpetual nagging,the explicit descriptions of purchases made by friends and relatives,perrineal shortage of adequate clothes and accessories,never ending lists of things to Buy,and forced window shopping can all be very torturing ! Hating window shopping is at the top of the list of all jokes on married men,but on a serious note,window shopping at times,can be actually demoralizing,when you experience the inability of being capable of buying things that your wife or kids want.
But the biggest insult,or mental violence that some husbands face,is the wives constant insecurity and the blame,that you don’t love me enough. At times this constant doubt on the mans love,faith and trust,for his wife,can be very painful for the husband,who keeps going through this pain,for years,and even at times for life long,but still fails to convince the wife that he loves her
Women may be the victim of physical violence,but men are harassed too,less physically but more,mentally and emotionally ! And no NGO nor and association can help in this,except the one concerned-wife !
Sanjay Kapoor , Lucknow